Working with People You Don’t Like

TLDR: How to Work with Someone You Don’t Like

• You do not have to like everyone you work with, but you are responsible for how you treat them
• Working with people you don’t like is a leadership skill, not a personality flaw
• Awareness and intentionality reduce conflict and improve outcomes
• The five principles of IT customer service apply to coworkers just as much as customers
• Professional respect beats forced friendliness every time
• How you handle difficult people shapes your reputation more than your technical skill

Read the complete article just below the video.

How to Work with People You Don’t Like

Early in my career, I had to work with Roger. I didn’t like him. I’m pretty sure he didn’t like me much either. Still, we had to work together. It wasn’t easy. We both made behavior choices that got in the way of our working relationship. I don’t remember if either one of us was to blame, but neither one of us chose to act in a way that allowed us to work together successfully.

Here’s a truth most IT leaders feel but rarely say out loud.

You don’t like everyone you work with, either.

If you are an IT manager, supervisor, or MSP owner, that’s normal. You work with smart, opinionated, high-pressure professionals. Some of them are blunt. Some are defensive. Some communicate poorly under stress. Some are simply exhausting to be around.

I genuinely like people. I built my career around helping IT professionals improve how they work with others. I wrote The Compassionate Geek: How Engineers, IT Pros, and Other Tech Specialists Can Master Human Relations Skills to Deliver Outstanding Customer Service because I believe people skills matter just as much as technical ones. So, yes, I genuinely like people, at least most people. There are some, however, that I find difficult to be around, people I don’o’t enjoy working with.

That’s not a contradiction. It is reality.

The real question is not whether you like the people you work with. The real question is how you choose to show up anyway.

Why This is Such a Big Deal in IT Leadership

In IT, the margin for error is thin. Systems go down. Customers escalate. Deadlines collide. Emotions run hot. When you add interpersonal tension to that mix, things can unravel quickly.

As a leader, you don’t get to opt out of relationships that feel uncomfortable. Your role requires collaboration, decision-making, and communication, even with people who irritate you or challenge you.

Avoidance might feel tempting, but it creates long-term problems. Resentment grows. Miscommunication increases. Stress multiplies.

Learning how to handle working with people you don’t like is not optional if you want to lead well. It is part of the job.

Separate Feelings From Behavior

Here is a mindset shift that helps immediately.

You are not responsible for your initial emotional reaction. You are responsible for your behavior. Your emotional reaction is internal. Your behavioral choices in response to emotions are external. It’s what the other person sees.

You might feel annoyed when someone speaks over you. I certainly do. You might feel frustrated when a coworker resists change. You might feel drained by someone who always finds problems instead of solutions. That wears me out!

Those feelings are information. They are not instructions.

Leadership means choosing your response instead of reacting on autopilot.

I work hard to stay aware of how my words and actions affect others. That awareness gives me space to be intentional. Instead of snapping back or shutting down, I can choose words and actions that move the situation toward a positive outcome for everyone involved. (I’m still working on this.)

That is not being fake. That is being professional.

You are Managing Outcomes, Not Friendships

One of the biggest traps I see IT leaders fall into is thinking they need to like the people they work with to work well with them.

You do not.

You need clarity, not chemistry.

You need shared expectations, not shared personalities.

When leaders chase likability instead of effectiveness, they avoid hard conversations. When leaders focus on outcomes, they address issues early and calmly.

Respect is more important than warmth. Consistency is more important than charm.

Your team does not need you to be friends with everyone. They need you to be fair, clear, and steady.

Apply the Five Principles Internally

In my book, I talk about the five principles of IT customer service.

Technical competence
Compassion
Empathy
Good listening skills
Treating others with dignity and respect

Most people agree with these principles when they apply to customers. Fewer people apply them to coworkers they dislike.

That is a missed opportunity.

Technical competence means knowing your facts before you push back. It means understanding the problem well enough to discuss it without ego.

Compassion means recognizing that difficult behavior often comes from pressure, fear, or past experiences. It does not excuse bad behavior, but it helps explain it so you respond without hostility.

Empathy means trying to understand how the other person sees the situation. You can understand without agreeing.

Good listening skills mean letting someone finish, asking clarifying questions, and resisting the urge to interrupt or dominate the conversation.

Treating others with dignity and respect means no sarcasm, no eye rolling, no private trash talk that eventually leaks into public spaces.

These principles are not soft skills. They are leadership tools.

Awareness Plus Intentionality Changes Everything

Awareness on its own is not enough. You can be aware that someone annoys you and still handle the situation poorly.

Intentionality is where growth happens.

Before you speak, ask yourself what outcome you want.
Before you send a message, ask yourself how it might land.
Before you react, ask yourself whether this moment needs emotion or leadership.

This is not about being overly cautious. It is about being deliberate.

When leaders tell me they are just being honest, what I often hear is that they are being reactive. Honesty without care damages trust. Intentional communication builds it.

Set Boundaries Without Escalating Conflict

Working with people you don’t like does not mean tolerating bad behavior.

You can set boundaries in calm, neutral language.

You can redirect a conversation back to the facts.
You can ask for respectful communication.
You can slow things down when emotions spike.

The key is to stay focused on behavior and outcomes, not on personality or intent.

When you do this consistently, you reduce stress for yourself and for the team. You also establish credibility as a leader who handles pressure without losing control.

Your Behavior Sets the Tone When Working with People You Don’t Like

Whether you realize it or not, people are watching how you handle difficult relationships.

They notice who you avoid.
They notice how you talk about others when they are not in the room.
They notice whether you stay professional under stress.

As a leader, your reactions carry weight. Venting downward creates division. Sarcasm erodes trust. Avoidance signals weakness.

If you need to process frustration, do it with a coach, mentor, or peer outside your reporting structure.

Leadership requires emotional discipline. That is not always comfortable, but it is necessary.

Avoidance Feels Good Short Term and Hurts Long Term

Avoiding someone you dislike can feel like self-preservation. In reality, it often increases stress.

Unspoken issues grow. Small problems become big ones. Misunderstandings multiply.

Addressing issues early and respectfully is one of the most effective ways for leaders to reduce stress. It clears the air and prevents unnecessary friction.

You already manage enough complexity in IT. Don’t add relational debt to your workload.

You are Modeling Adult Behavior at Work

Your team is learning from you, whether you intend to teach or not.

They are learning how to disagree.
They are learning how to handle tension.
They are learning how to treat people they do not enjoy working with.

When you model awareness, intentionality, and respect, you give them permission to do the same. When you do not, dysfunction spreads quietly and quickly.

Culture is shaped by behavior, not slogans.

Remember, people don’t do what you say, they do what you do.

Final Thoughts

Working with people you don’t like is not a failure of leadership. It is a test of it.

You don’t need to like everyone. You do need to act with awareness and intention. You do need to choose responses that protect relationships and results.

That combination is what turns technical leaders into trusted ones.

Roger and I never worked well together. That was because of the behavior choices we made. It wasn’t necessary for us to like each other, but we could have chosen to act like grown-ups.

Top Takeaways on Working with People You Don’t Like

• You are responsible for your behavior, not your feelings
• Awareness and intentionality reduce conflict and improve results
• The five principles of IT customer service apply to coworkers, too
• Respect and clarity matter more than likability
• Working with people you don’t like is a leadership skill that pays dividends over time

If you want to grow as an IT leader, start here. The way you handle difficult people says more about your leadership than any certification ever will.

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