Three Rules for Dealing with Unreasonable People at Work

I worked with Jim when I was in my mid-20s. Jim was very talented. He was also an unreasonable guy. In fact, Jim was one of the most unreasonable people I’ve ever known. He was demanding, self-centered, and dishonest. I didn’t know how to deal with him. I took his outbursts and insults personally. I tried to reason with him. I would interrupt his outbursts. I tried to win arguments with him. (I never won any.) I got defensive. None of that worked. Now, many years later, I still occasionally encounter people like Jim. They’re so unpredictable that techniques for dealing with them are also unpredictable.

There are, however, some helpful rules you can follow when dealing with people who are irrational, unreasonable, or otherwise difficult. Here are three rules that matter more than anything else, assuming you can’t just walk away:

Rule #1: Stay Calm

Unreasonable people thrive on reaction. They’ll say or do things specifically to get an emotional response: anger, defensiveness, or frustration. The moment you take the bait, you lose control of the interaction.

What to do instead: Stay calm and professional. Lower your voice, slow your pace, and keep your tone even. That calm energy often disarms them. If you feel yourself getting angry, pause; even a deep breath buys you space to respond instead of react. (Taking a deep breath is almost always good advice in difficult situations.)

Rule #2: Separate Emotion from Information

Irrational people often bury a legitimate issue under layers of emotion. Your job is to sift through the noise to find the signal.

Ask yourself: What’s the actual problem here, beneath the attitude or outburst?

Tip: Acknowledge emotion before tackling the issue, e.g., “I can hear you’re frustrated. Let’s see what we can do to fix this.” That simple validation can defuse hostility and open the door to a productive discussion.

Rule #3: Set Clear Boundaries and Enforce Them

You can be compassionate and assertive. Compassion doesn’t mean tolerating abuse. Boundaries protect both you and the relationship.

What it looks like:

• Calmly state what’s acceptable: “I want to help, but I can’t do that while you’re yelling.”
• If needed, disengage and revisit later: “Let’s take a break and pick this up in ten minutes.”
• Stick to facts, policies, and professional standards, not personal opinions or emotional debates.

TLDR: Dealing with Unreasonable or Irrational People

• Stay calm.
• Listen for what’s really being said.
• Protect your boundaries.

Of course, there’s much more to dealing with irrational or unreasonable people. These three simple rules will help you maintain your sanity, your dignity, and your self-respect.

What Happened to Jim?

A few years after Jim and I worked together, he had a heart attack and died. When you submit yourself to stress and anger all the time like he did, that’s what it does to your body. It’s just not worth it.

Have you found a successful technique for dealing with unreasonable people when you need to preserve the relationship? Leave a comment.

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