A New Year’s Resolution That Will Actually Stick!

TLDR: 2 Words That Change Everything

• Transactional relationships get work done; relational relationships build trust. Efficiency matters, but trust is what carries you through problems, mistakes, and stress.
• A genuine “thank you” is a leadership behavior, not a nicety. It acknowledges effort, builds goodwill, and turns routine interactions into human connections.
• Gratitude activates the Compassionate Geek principles. Technical competence, compassion, empathy, good listening, and dignity all show up when appreciation is expressed.
• A simple New Year’s resolution works: say thank you more often—especially for routine, expected things—to strengthen IT, work, and personal relationships.

Read more just below the video.

From Transactions to Relationships: A Compassionate Geek New Year’s Resolution That Actually Works

Most of us don’t wake up thinking, Today I’m going to treat people like transactions. 

It just happens. It happened with me in the early days of my career and in my first marriage. You know: you do this for me, and I’ll do this for you.

Janet, my spouse, taught me the importance and power of a simple thank you. She says thank you for doing the dishes, taking out the trash, plugging in the car-charger, making the bed, and a gazillion other simple things I do around the house. A couple of years into our relationship, I realized how her thank-yous made me feel appreciated. Frankly, it made me realize that we’re both committed to making a great relationship for each other. It’s about both of us working to create an oasis of comfort without keeping score.

In IT, work arrives as tickets, alerts, interruptions, and escalations. In personal life, it shows up as chores, favors, responsibilities, and routines. Someone does something. Someone else responds. The task gets completed. The loop closes. On to the next thing.

Efficient? Absolutely. Relational? Not necessarily.

As a new year begins, this is a perfect moment to look honestly at the difference between transactional relationships and relational relationships, and to adopt a simple, powerful habit that strengthens both work and personal life:

Say “thank you” more often, as a genuine expression of appreciation.

This isn’t about being polite. It’s about being intentional.

Transactional vs. Relational Relationships: The Real Difference

A transactional relationship is built on exchange:

• I do this.
• You do that.
• We’re even.

Sound familiar?

A relational relationship is built on connection:

• I see you.
• I value your effort.
• We’re in this together.

Transactions are unavoidable. You can’t run an IT department, a business, or a household without them. The problem isn’t transactions themselves, it’s when transactions replace relationships instead of living inside them.

That’s when people feel unseen, goodwill evaporates, and friction becomes personal.

How This Shows Up in the IT Workplace

Transactional IT Relationships

In a purely transactional IT environment:

• Users submit tickets.
• IT resolves issues.
• Success is measured by speed, volume, and closure rates.

None of that is wrong. Metrics and structure matter.

But when that’s all there is, IT becomes:

• A vending machine
• A utility
• A commodity
• A cost center

Users see problems, not people, and IT sees tickets, not humans.

When something goes wrong, and it will, there’s no trust buffer. Every delay feels like negligence. Every explanation sounds like an excuse.

Relational IT Relationships

In relational environments:

• Tickets still exist, but conversations matter
• SLAs still matter, but trust matters more
• IT is viewed as a partner, not just a fixer

Relational IT teams:

• Explain context, not just outcomes
• Acknowledge effort, not just compliance
• Thank users for patience, clarity, and cooperation

This is where a sincere “thank you” becomes a leadership behavior, not a social nicety.

Transactional vs. Relational: A Clear Comparison

Here’s how the two approaches stack up, especially in IT/customer relationships:

Aspect	Transactional Relationship	Relational Relationship
Primary Focus	Task completion	Trust and partnership
Time Horizon	Short-term	Long-term
Motivation	Obligation	Shared commitment
Communication	Minimal, functional	Open, human, and contextual
Emotional Investment	Low	Moderate to high
Response to Mistakes	Blame, escalation	Grace, collaboration, and shared resolution
Customer View of IT	Utility	Trusted advisor
Team Morale	Fragile	Resilient
Goodwill	None	Built over time
Role of “Thank You”	Rare or absent	Frequent and sincere

Benefits of Transactional Relationships

Transactional relationships are efficient with clear expectations and predictable processes.

Liabilities of Transactional Relationships

Transactional relationships, however, have no trust reserve and low tolerance for mistakes. They’re easy to damage and hard to repair.

Benefits of Relational Relationships

Relational relationships have built-in goodwill. They offer better collaboration and greater patience during crises.

Liabilities of Relational Relationships

Relational relationships take more work. They require intention, time, and cannot be automated.

That last point is the real challenge. Relationships require presence. Transactions don’t.

The Overlooked Power of “Thank You”

This is where you’ll get some push back:

“It’s their job.”
“They’re supposed to do that.”
“If I say thank you for everything, it loses meaning.”

That mindset keeps relationships transactional.

Saying thank you isn’t about rewarding people for doing the bare minimum. It’s about recognizing effort and humanity, especially in routine moments. It’s about meeting one of the most important needs of humans, the need to feel appreciated.

Consider how often these things happen:

• A user submits a clear ticket
• A coworker joins a late call
• A customer stays calm during troubleshooting
• A partner handles a routine task at home

None of these are heroic; all of them matter.

Gratitude doesn’t weaken standards; it strengthens relationships.

How This Connects to the Compassionate Geek’s 5 Principles

This shift from transactional to relational isn’t abstract. It shows up directly in the five principles of the Compassionate Geek.

1. Technical Competence: The Foundation

Let’s be honest: if you can’t solve the problem, nothing else matters.

Technical competence earns credibility. But in relational IT, competence isn’t used to show superiority; it’s used to reduce stress and create confidence.

A simple “thank you” reinforces competence without arrogance:

• “Thanks for your patience. Here’s what we fixed and why it should stick.”
• “Appreciate the detailed info you sent. That made troubleshooting faster.”

Competence opens the door. Gratitude keeps it open.

2. Compassion: Reducing the Human Cost

Compassion is seeing the human. It’s recognizing that problems create frustration, anxiety, and embarrassment, then choosing to respond in a way that lowers the burden.

Transactional IT asks, “What’s broken?” Compassionate IT also asks, “How is this affecting you?”

Gratitude expresses compassion:

• “Thanks for hanging in there. I know this disrupted your day.”
• “I appreciate your flexibility while we tested options.”

That’s not softness. That’s leadership.

3. Empathy: Showing You Get It

Empathy is not agreement. It’s feeling and understanding.

Users aren’t upset about technology; they’re upset about missed deadlines, lost time, and public embarrassment. When you acknowledge that, tension drops.

Empathy-driven gratitude sounds like:

• “Thanks for explaining the deadline. That helps me prioritize correctly.”
• “I appreciate you walking me through what you were doing when it failed.”

Empathy turns conflict into collaboration.

4. Good Listening: Turning Information Into Trust

Good listening prevents wasted effort and repeated fixes. It also signals respect.

Transactional listening extracts symptoms. Relational listening seeks context.

Thanking people for useful information reinforces good behavior:

• “Thanks, that timeline detail was critical.”
• “I appreciate how clearly you explained the steps.”

People repeat behaviors that are acknowledged.

5. Treating Others With Dignity and Respect: What People Remember

This is the principle people feel most directly. Treating others with dignity means:

• No sarcasm
• No eye-rolling
• No talking down
• No treating people like interruptions

Gratitude makes respect visible:

• “Thanks for your patience.”
• “Thanks for bringing this up.”
• “Thanks for following the process.”

Respect isn’t assumed. It’s demonstrated.

A New Year’s Resolution That’s Actually Sustainable

Forget resolutions that require massive discipline or life overhauls.

Here’s one that works:

This year, just say thank you more often, especially for routine, expected things.

Not automatically.
Not performatively.
Say it specifically and sincerely.

In IT, that might mean:

• Thanking users for clear tickets
• Thanking coworkers for support
• Thanking customers for patience

At home, it might mean:

• Thanking your partner for everyday tasks
• Thanking your kids for effort, not just results
• Thanking friends for simply showing up

This habit costs almost nothing. But the return on investment is enormous.

One of the most powerful training exercises I do is to have the participants go to co-workers and say thank you for some specific action. It’s heart-warming to see thepersonal  impact of this exercise.

Final Thought

Transactional systems keep work moving. Relational behaviors keep people engaged.

You don’t need fewer transactions. You need more relationships wrapped around them.

As the new year begins, choose to notice effort. Choose to acknowledge people. Choose to say thank you, not because you have to, but because relationships are worth protecting.

Be like Janet. Say thank you for everything, even those small and seemingly insignificant gestures.

Oh, and Happy New Year!

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